Robert Lee Williams, Jr.

Tribute

Ten years since Rob’s been gone and I thought it would be a good time to finally get motivated and scan in some of his old pictures and make them available to people. This is a selfish exercise as I will use it to reminisce about him and hopefully along the way let people learn a bit more than they may have known. If you have stories or pictures that you would like share, please contribute them directly to the website (click Share to the right) or, if you have any problems, just send them to me and I’ll post them. I’d love to see them - as would the rest of the family. I tried to organize the pics that I uploaded by date but they got all mixed up. Now that I look at them though I guess it doesn’t matter – just browse.

I still can’t wrap my brain around it. For 6 years now I’ve been older than the age my brother made it to. Yet in my mind he’s still the older brother. Still the guy I idolized, still my hero. I figure that this isn’t going away and when I’m 70 (hopefully) I’ll still be thinking of him as the OLDER brother. Every day he is in my thoughts, perhaps just a flash - thinking about something I’d like to share with him. Maybe something he’d think was funny. Then I end up shaking my head and thinking how fucked up it was for him to die so young. So obviously no flowery tribute or profound thoughts here . . . just some stories to share.

A disclaimer . . . my memory is pitiful. I’m sure some of the dates in the stories are off and probably even some of the facts. But in these writings I have attempted to encapsulate my feelings about a moment with my brother, in spite of the details perhaps being a bit foggy.

So here’s to you, Rob.

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Photos

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Shared Memories

Share A Memory

• Abel Silveira on 20/8/09
  

  Great job on the site Jason, what a fantastic way to remember him. I don't know how much my siblings remember Rob (they were pretty young), but I was old enough to remember what a great person he was. He had a personality that brought a lot of warmth, comfort, as well as a sense of ...
  View Full Memory humor that I can not forget. He will always be missed.
  
  I have this great picture of Rob, you, and I sitting on the stairs at the house in Oxford, unfortunately, I can't seem to find it on my computer (or e-mail) right now, I'll be sure to post it when I can.
• Christine Lutz (Williams) on 18/8/09
  

  Like everyone else I can't believe it's been 10 years. Rob was the first grandson in our family...that's kind of like royalty! I have so many great memories of our Saturday mornings with Grandpop driving all over Delaware in his big station wagaon....and of course Rob always got to sit ...
  View Full Memory up front much to Wendy's dismay. We would go to the farmer's market to get donuts and buy all the lunchmeat for Saturday's lunch at Grandmom and Grandpop's house. Rob would never walk with us, but after ready Bob Conte's memory I guess he was always out scoping the ladies! After the farmer's market we would head down to the rocks on the Brandywine and the bouncy bridge. Then of course there were the Connect Four games that we would play at Grandmom's. It seemed like Rob always won....again much to Wendy's dismay....it really bothered her that he was older!!! Sleeping over at Grandmom and Grandpop's was always fun too! Grandpop would go to bed at 7pm and we would all handout with Grandmom. Jason and Rob always go their own room and bed, while me, Wendy, Liza, Abilgail, and Kate all slept in the same bed waiting for Grandmom to come in to do "faces". Then the girls would yell back and forth to the boys! These are some of the best memories I have of growing up. When I became old enough that Rob would talk to me....I wasn't considered a kid anymore, I have never laughed so hard. Bill and I had a great time with him down at Broadkill. My Bill still talks about it, and how much he loved Rob. Thanks Jason for putting this together it was a great idea. I miss my family terribly and this was just awesome to read, a lot of tears but way more laughs. God Bless you Rob, our world is a little sadder because you weren't in it longer.
• Bob Conte on 14/8/09
  

  One of the best friends i ever had.Growing up together at broadkill were some of the best times we ever had if it wasn't for Rob i would never of hooked up with any girls back then he always had the good 'rap' with the ladies and didn't hesitate to throw me a bone.He always had the ...
  View Full Memory best advice well into our teens and twenty's. There is rarely a day i don't think about the goods times we had and laugh sometimes cry but all the memories are great would not trade them for the world.
• Beth Conte-Yeager on 11/8/09
  

  I will always remember Rob as the kindest, gentlest person I ever knew. That is, until we all hung out in his room at Broadkill as kids with KISS plastered all over the walls as he used to jump all over the place, 'banging' his head, screaming those lyrics at the top of his lungs! We used ...
  View Full Memory to hate being told by our parents to disappear into the bedroom...but Robby, Bobby, Jason and I always used to make the best of it. Even if it was rockin out to some crazy, face-painted band that made their tongues bleed and their stage blow up!
  
  Rock on Rob!
  
  
  
• Sandy on 6/8/09
  

  I can't believe it has been 10 years either. I was sharing a memory the others day with friends and thought Rob would think it was funny to post here. Rob was always a bit reserved (unlike me). On one of our very first dates, Rob took me to the movies. As we were receiving our ...
  View Full Memory popcorn (a huge pucket), I was talking away (Rob listening of course) with my hands going a mile a minute. Right there as we were exiting the line, I hit the bucket and all the popcorn went flying in the air. Rob was so red and I think if we were married, he would have acted as if he didn't know me. But instead he turned around asked the woman for another bucket (how did he know then I couldn't enter a movie theater withou popcorn?). He never spoke a word of it. I'm sure he told the guys when he got home but he never made me feel bad about it. Thanks honey. Miss you.
• Susan Wolf on 20/6/09
  

  Jason, I think its so important to all who loved Rob to never forget, and this would surely make him smile.
  I think of Rob often he was such a wonderful friend to mike and I, its hard to believe that it will be 10 years.
  I realize that most when I look at our oldest child who will be 10 september ...
  View Full Memory 25. One funny memory that I
  have is Rob and Okey at Bobby's stand in December selling christmas tree's, Rob would spin the tree so
  not to show the bald spot which according to Rob all trees had. Mike and I would go to Rob & Sandy just
  about every weekend along with all the gang and just hang out drink,laugh and enjoy each other company.
  These stories seem small. but looking back they are some of the best times of my life. Love Susan
• okey on 19/6/09
  

  Nice job Jason. I never have laughed harder than our trip to RI with Bruce. Almost hitting a cop on a clydesdale on the way to the club. Rusty!
• Alana Kappauf (Marroni) on 17/6/09
  

  Me and my sister Nicki worked with Rob for a about 4 years at his Dad's shop "Bob's Original". We had a blast working there! We always felt like we were part of the Williams clan! Rob would always give me dirty looks like I was doing something wrong but deep down inside I know ...
  View Full Memory that he didn't mean anything by it. I was an easy target and he knew that! Nicki was his favorite! He was a great guy and I can see why he is missed so much.
• Jason Williams on 9/6/09
  

  A beautiful boy at about 3 years old. This was taken sometime in 1970, a couple of years before I was born. What a smile he had! Hard to imagine but that cherubic right arm facing you would come to have an bald eagle tattoo and the left arm had a wolf howling against the moon. Not many guys could ...
  View Full Memory pull off those tats but they worked on his 6’2”, barrel-chested frame.
• Jason Williams on 9/6/09
  

  This is one of the few (only?) formal family photos. Gotta love the classic 70’s look on all of us! When the Williams think of family we usually think of the WHOLE extended family. And that’s a beautiful thing. But this picture reminds me that we (Mom, Dad, Rob and I) had so many ...
  View Full Memory good times just as the four of us. It was a wonderful feeling I can’t quite describe. Even when Rob & I were older it was fun for the four of us to just us hang out or work up at the shop. It was great to have three other people that really understood your sense of humor and loved it. We could make each other crack up with just a look – no words needed. Rob especially had a way of making a face that told so much. I miss the DUH face he used to make when he or I would make a stupid mistake. Man, we used to laugh.
• Jason Williams on 9/6/09
  

  This bearded pic of Rob got me thinking about how he taught me to shave. This is him in high school(?) after he had probably been shaving for many years . . . as well as being a bouncer at local bars. I think he caught me shaving and let me know it was all wrong. That the reason it looked ...
  View Full Memory like I fell off a bike and had the multitude of nicks was because I was going against the grain. Anyway, he straightened me out and this made me think of the many other things he taught me or exposed me to for the first time:
  
  1) Rob explained to me that babies don’t come out of a mom’s butt, rather they come out of a mysterious structure called a vagina. This was a big debate between my friends and I at the time (unfortunately my guess was wrong). This of course brought up many more questions about the process but he danced around the topic fairly delicately.
  2) He took me to my first concert. It was Monsters of Rock in 1988 in Philly and it was just about the coolest thing I had done. We were going there to see Van Halen but suffered through the rest during a long hot day. I think we loaded into Okey’s van (smelling of Dunkin Donuts) and we grilled hot dogs in the parking lot before going into the show. Wasn’t the first night I had a beer but close to it (see also below). The concert was awesome. Bought a crappy t-shirt and went home exhausted and semi-deaf.
  3) Had my first beer with him. No idea when or where but I can pretty much guarantee that it was a Miller Light. AWFUL! It tasted pretty bad then and is undrinkable now. I wish we had a chance to expand his beer palate . . . he did at least get to try a couple of my home brews. Here’s my beer dream. He and I having a super-hoppy delicious beer (like a Stone IPA or Terminal Gravity) at some restaurant on the Oregon coast. He’s having fish and chips and I’m having fried oysters. And we both have a bowl of awesome chowder. The sun is going down over the craggy coast as we tuck into the food. Then breath in the hops and have a long pull. AHHH! I told you this was a selfish tribute, and this is a table for two – so get your own dream.
  4) He taught me drive a stick shift. This was actually when I was just about to start grad school. He took me down in the used pick-up we had just bought and in the Merchants Square parking lot we went over and over the shifting until I was comfortable enough to drive it to Rhode Island the next day. I can feel his calloused hand on top of mine showing me when to switch gears. He kept shaking his head and we’d laugh when I’d make the thing stall out. Probably listing to some music and getting ready to go out before I headed off. It was an exciting time and I know he was proud of me.
  5) Watched my first horror movie with Rob. This was over at Grandmom and Poppops when they were living in Edgemoor. It was a Friday night and we watched some terrible slasher movie called Silent Scream (that is burned into my memory). Anyway, I was too young to be watching the movie and it ruined me for sleeping away from my parents for awhile. No sleep at all that night and then the next morning we went to breakfast like normal with Poppop and my dad. I still remember that on the way to the restaurant Juice Newton’s version of “Angel of the Morning” was playing. Whenever I hear that song I get chills. Still.
• Jason Williams on 9/6/09
  

  OK, I don’t want to get too Facebooky with lists but I thought it would be good to give a song list in tribute to Rob. He loved music and we always talked about new songs or bands that we were into. As my tastes have changed, I’m sure his would have to and I often wonder what things he would be ...
  View Full Memory listening to now. Perhaps you hear a song that reminds you of him or think it would be something he would like – let me know. Anyway, the following is a short list of some songs that I put onto my ipod when I want to take a run and work out some anger. I guess I have progressed to stage 5 (Acceptance) but it’s an angry, open sore type of acceptance. And this is my way of scratching it. Be forewarned, this list progresses from hard rock to downright depressing tunes. But I guess that’s the point, have a good cry. Most of the songs were written by the artists listed but some aren’t, I’m listing the versions I like best. The text in quotes is key lyrics that I pulled out; now that I read back through them they sound cheesy in isolation – you have to hear these songs to appreciate them (or not).
  
  1) Strawberry - by Everclear.
  “Never want to think about the things that happened today”
  2) Break Stuff – by Limp Bizkit
  “Everything is f!@#ed”
  3) Send the Pain Below - by Chevelle
  “But long before, having hurt,
  I'd send the pain below”
  4) My Hero - by Foo Fighters.
  “Kudos my hero leaving all the best”
  5) Everlong - by Foo Fighters.
  “If anything could ever be this good again”
  6) Hurt – by Nine Inch Nails (the version by Johnny Cash is almost as good; but he shows up again below)
  “If I could start again
  A million miles away”
  7) Common Reactor – by Silversun Pickups
  “Brush away all the memories
  Keep the cries curbside”
  8) Wish You Were Here - by Incubus
  “And in this moment I am happy, happy
  I wish you were here”
  9) Videotape – by Radiohead
  “This is my way of saying goodbye
  Because I can't do it face to face”
  10) Sinaloa Cowboys – by Bruce Springsteen
  “There in the dirt he dug up ten-thousand dollars, all that they'd saved
  Kissed his brother’s lips and placed him in his grave”
  11) Great Escape – by Moby
  “And wonder while you fade”
  12) Streets of Laredo – by Johnny Cash
  “Then beat the drum slowly, play the Fife lowly.
  Play the dead march as you carry me along.
  Take me to the green valley, lay the sod o'er me,
  I'm a young cowboy and I know I've done wrong.”
  13) When They Ring the Golden Bells – by Natalie Merchant
  “There’s a land beyond the river,
  That we call the sweet forever”
• Jason Williams on 9/6/09
  

  This picture reminds me of how much a pain it was to wake Rob up in the morning! He loved to sleep. Not that he was lazy but, man, it was hard to get him up. When we were young and getting up to go to work with Dad, I had to get him out of bed. This usually took 3-4 times going into his room and ...
  View Full Memory prodding him to get up with me ending up yelling “ROB, get up!” Then we’d start the day . . . three boys in the truck. I wish I had a picture of that. It was a great place to be, riding in the truck between my dad and Rob. Good times.
• Jason Williams on 9/6/09
  

  In case Rob’s Obituary text is hard to read, I have pasted it below. I also pasted the readings I have from family members that were read at his memorial service.
  
  
  Robert Lee Williams, Jr.
  September 24, 1967 - September 19, 1999
  
  A dedicated and loving husband, father, son, and brother, died at ...
  View Full Memory home on September 19, 1999, five days from his 32nd birthday. Rob was an officer for the Delaware Department of Corrections. He was also the founder and proprietor of Bob’s Original Farm Market on Philadelphia Pike.
  He is survived by his wife, Sandra Ann Williams and their two sons Matthew Luke Williams, age 10, and Jacob Dean Williams, age 8. In addition, he is survived by his parents, Robert Lee Williams, Sr. and Judy Joyce Williams; brother and sister-in-law, Jason D. Williams and Alison Stettinius Carson; and grandparents John E. Williams, Sr. and Emma Williams. He will be mourned by many aunts, uncles, and cousins as well as his best friend, John O’Connor, and numerous other friends. Rob enjoyed golf and time at his family’s cottage at Broadkill Beach, Delaware. Most especially, he cherished his time with his wife, sons, and family. His humor and love will be missed at weekly Sunday dinners at his grandparents of whom he was the eldest grandchild. Those who knew Rob, understood his deep devotion to his family and many friends.
  Relatives and friends are invited to call Wednesday, September 22nd at 6:30-9:00 p.m at Beeson Funeral home. Services will be at 10:00 a.m. on Thursday, September 23rd at Beeson Funeral home and burial will follow at Gracelawn Cemetery.
  
  
  From Mother and Father
  
  The number of years that a man lives is not the measure of his life. But it’s what he did with the time that he had. After many pages and hours of thinking, we’ve come to the one simple fact, that Rob lived a good life and touched many people. He leaves behind Sandy and his boys, Matt and Jake, Jason and Alison, his grandparents and all of his family and friends. We tried to put Rob’s life down on paper and the truth is, anyone that ever met Rob or knew him already know the things we tried to express, so we’ve decided that we would share just one mid-term report written on January 22, 1972 when Rob was five years old. We feel the report says everything that we wanted to say.
  
  Madames School
  Box 62
  Montchanin, Delaware 19710
  January 22, 1972
  
  Mid-term Report: Robby Williams
  
  Robby is a delightful boy. It is fun having him at school. He has a happy, even disposition and he has a good sense of humor. Robby plays beautifully with the other children and he is obedient.
  His favorite activities are building with the blocks, painting, pasting, playing on the equipment in the upstairs playroom, listening to stories, playing musical games and juice and cookie time.
  Robby seems to derive enjoyment from just about everything - how fortunate you are!
  As you know, Ruthie and I are very fond of him.
  
  Sincerely,
  Chrissie Beh
  
  What it all comes down to is what Chrissie Beh said; how fortunate we are to have known this baby, this boy, this man, father, husband, and friend. We love you all for loving him with us.
  
  Mom and Dad
  
  From Grandmom and Poppop
  
  Rob was our first grandchild and with him came so much love, joy, and pleasure that there isn’t enough words to tell you about it. He was the beginning of the third generation of the Williams’ family and through Rob and Sandy came the beginning of the fourth generation of great grandchildren. What a blessing!
  Rob was the best grandson anyone could want and I know that he loved grandmom and poppop’s home because there weren’t many days in his life that he didn’t come to see us. I want to thank his mother, Judy, for sharing him with pop and I. From the very first day when I went to get him, she never asked what time or when are you bringing him back. If it was two hours or two days she willingly gave him to me. Pop and I want to thank you with all our hearts for letting us be a special part of Rob’s life.
  We love you Bob and Judy.
  
  Our Family’s Love
  
  Our grandparents have had a total of 11 grandchildren. To most people we are cousins. To us, we are more like brothers and sisters. Our family is very lucky to share a special kind of love.
  
  Our earliest memories as kids are piling into Grandpop’s station wagon on Saturdays and heading off for some adventure. More recent memories include Grandmom baking her famous cookies for all of our weddings.
  
  How many of you have ever had a Sunday dinner at my grandparent’s house? You may have had a few, but we’ve been fortunate enough to share every Sunday dinner together. Sunday dinners are always a time for us to talk and laugh. And there have been plenty of laughs! Whether it was one of Uncle Bobby’s jokes, or me heading to Broadway!! But most of all, this time is just for us to be together. Our hope is that as the next generation of Williams’, Walzs, Ryans, Lutzs, and Jordans grow up, they will be privileged to continue sharing this special kind of love.
  
  Although we lost Rob much earlier than we antic1pated, we as a family can be grateful for one thing. We will never have any regrets, because Rob left us knowing that we all loved him. And we all know that he loved us just as much.
  
• Jason Williams on 9/6/09
  

  This is one of the figures from the paper that included the description of the new species of marine worm (Polydora robi Williams, 1999) that I named in honor of Rob (see note below that I sent Matt & Jake at the time of it’s publication). I feel weird posting this because it ...
  View Full Memory feels like self-promotion but I thought some would like a little more back-story. In my research notebooks based on collections in the Philippines starting in 1997 , the species was originally labeled as Polydora ovavora – the name I had intended to apply to the species. The name ovavora referred to the fact that the species was an egg (ova) predator of hermit crabs (thus the vora part which means “to eat” in Latin). The manuscript was actually submitted to the Zoological Journal of the Linnean Society with that name included. However, after Rob died and I received comments from reviewers, I contacted the editor and changed the name to Polydora robi. The paper was officially accepted while Alison and I were in the Philippines during the summer of 2000 and it was from the Philippines that I wrote the letter below to Matt & Jake. I remember drafting the letter while sitting at our tiny dining room table in the apartment we rented for the couple of months we were back there. Probably drinking a San Miguel beer and watching roaches run by during a torrential downpour. I guess Rob would have hated the Philippines, just way too hot and probably a bit too scary for him. But I would have liked to have taken him snorkeling along some of the coral reefs, amazing.
  
  In paper I wrote ”The species is named in memory of my brother, Robert L. Williams, Jr, who supported this work but sadly missed its completion. His encouragement will always be remembered.” Pretty understated but that’s about as personal as one gets in a scientific paper.
  
  Letter to Matt and Jake -
  6 July 2000
  
  Dear Matt and Jake,
  
  I wanted to show this to you guys before anyone else. The paper enclosed with this note is one I wrote about my research on a worm from the Philippines. The paper describes a new species of worm, which I named after your father; the worm is named Polydora robi. Every scientific name has two parts, the first part (Polydora) is the group of worms to which this new species belongs. The second part of the name (robi) indicates the particular species. The name must be placed in latin so that Rob becomes robi. For example, Tyrannosaurus rex is a scientific name you know (the genus name, Tyrannosaurus, is always capitalized while the species name, rex, is always lower case).
  
  Well that stuff may be boring but the name of the species will always be Polydora robi and I have placed specimens of the species in the National Museum of Natural History of the Smithsonian Institution and in the American Museum of Natural History in New York. I have some of my own specimens and I will send you each one also, the worms are very small (about the size of a pencil point in width and about 1 inch long) but some day I’ll show you them under a microscope. Polydora robi is very interesting because it has these large bundles of spines that stick out around its tail-end giving it a very hairy appearance (look at the pictures on pages 4-6). Also the worm is pretty crafty, it lives in the shells of hermit crabs and will steal the eggs of the hermit crab! That’s a huge meal for a worm.
  
  The paper included in this package is a copy sent by the editor so I can check it for any final changes, so you are actually seeing a version even before it is published. The paper will be published in the Zoological Journal of the Linnean Society (a society of biologists started in 1788). The pictures in the paper will show up much better in the final copy; I’ll send you these when they are published. On page 9 you will see a section called Etymology. Etymology is a big word that simply means how I constructed the name of the species described in the paper, in other words what the species name means. I named it after Rob in order to honor him in some small way for all that he has done for me. It is true that I never could have done this work without him. He taught me more about life than all my years in school, college, and grad school. And although you guys weren’t able to know him as men, the lessons that he taught you will take you through all those years. Remember that he taught you right from wrong, whether you realize it or not. If you act on what you know is right then people will always appreciate how he and your mom raised two wonderful boys. That would be the ultimate honor to your Dad.
  
  I hope you guys are having a fun summer and staying out of trouble! Hopefully we will have time to take a trip at the end of the summer when Alison and I come home. If not maybe you and your mom can visit us in Massachusetts this fall. We miss you.

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